“Create Success”

“In your life there have to be challenges… they will either bring you closer to God and therefore make you stronger, or, they can destroy you. But you make the decision of which road you take.”

-Elder F. Enzio Busche

The reason I am sharing what I am about to share reminds me of this quote from Elder F. Enzio Busche. He was a church leader in the LDS (Mormon) faith but has since past away. First, let me explain a little about myself.

Asian Invasion

I am a (mostly) extroverted boy, with a dash of introvert, who takes responsibility too seriously. SpikeballMy friends say I do homework too much and they are right! I am currently attending BYU-Idaho and am soon to graduate this July.Student Support 2013 I was originally born in Cedar City, Utah but also spent half of my childhood and young adult years in St. George, Utah. My parents divorced at age two and my father re-married just before I turned four and moved 45 minutes away to St. George. My mother also entered into a gay relationship (SURPRISE!) when I was around four as well. Although divorce is never a pleasant and fun experience I think my parents did an excellent job with the cards they were dealt. There were never any custody battles, no drawn out court dates, fights about things in the house, or anything else (to my knowledge) about us kids. We each saw our mother and father often. I am LDS (Mormon) and after High school graduation I attended SUU in Cedar City, Utah before heading off on a two year mission.

Seattle backgroung mission photoI was called to serve in the Seattle, Washington mission and loved it! My mission shaped so much of who I am today and taught me so many priceless lessons. If you ever want to learn more about the LDS religion click here. I am so grateful for all those I served with and what they taught me. My mission is what taught me to “Create Success.” I came to a strong knowledge and understanding that no matter your circumstance you can either blame others or you can stand up, move forward, and create what you want out of life. This has been my life motto ever since.

So here is the main reason I am posting this blog:

What I am about to share has been something very personal to me all my life. Something I have been trying to keep secret the last 12 years of my life! It sucks! This is something that makes me so vulnerable that I decided to just move on and forget, to push it behind me, and to never think of it again. It was after many stories, testimonials, and experiences from individuals that led me to change my mind.

When I was 12 years old I was living in Cedar City, Utah after recently moving back from St. George, Utah with my father and step-mother (I attended 6th and 7th grade while living there). My parents, like I said earlier, allowed us to choose and decide where we wanted to live. I lived with my St. George parents and the grass wasn’t necessarily greener on the other side. 90's family photoI believe I moved at the wrong time. Middle school was just so much fun (major sarcasm) and I remember everybody being nice in Cedar City. Well, I moved back to Cedar City and GUESS WHAT… everyone was still in middle school and the ruthlessness of middle school students followed me. In the awake of insecurity, middle school is a time to make yourself feel better by putting others down. I wish I could say I was immune in putting others down but I was just like everyone else going through puberty in middle school.

It was also during this time that summer was coming to a close and I was nearing my 13th birthday in August of 2003. My family in Cedar City had started some construction projects around the house. We were painting, making improvements to bedrooms, adding electrical features, and other random projects. It was during this time that my Uncle came to live with us while we were remodeling. He was a gifted carpenter and construction laborer and was hired to help with these projects. At first I felt very comfortable around Cory. He seemed funny, kind, interested in my life, and purchased some gifts for my 13th birthday party. It was also on that day, my 13th birthday, which my life was forever altered.

We lived out on 20 acres against a beautiful mountain on the outskirts of Cedar City, and Cory wanted to pitch a tent outside instead of staying in the home. He invited me for a sleepover in the tent for my birthday and said it would be a fun camp-out. I agreed and so did my mother. It was during that time that some very inappropriate events began to take place. As I was settling in with my sleeping bag, gummy bears, chocolate candy, and flashlight, some WEIRD conversations began to occur. My uncle began to describe his homosexual feelings and thoughts. It was a fast progressing conversation about sexual activities he had performed and wanted me to perform. I immediately felt uncomfortable and trapped. I was so afraid. As I began to express “no” and wanted to leave the tent the threats began. I was threatened that my family would be hurt or killed if I didn’t do what he wanted me to do. Without going into anymore unnecessary details I was molested that day, my 13th birthday, as an innocent child.

The next morning when I woke up I just started to cry. I had no idea what I was to do. What felt like a nightmare was actually happening. I awoke to reality which was in all seriousness a full blown nightmare. I remember walking into the house that morning and taking a shower, and then showering again and again. I felt so dirty, unworthy, ashamed, sorrowful, and in complete shock. This person that I came to trust has completely altered my universe. I showered four times that day attempting to feel clean.

I wish I could say that it was just done and over with but that sleepover in the tent was just the beginning to a series of unfortunate events. As the construction went on and I was often left to the house alone the molestation occurred over, and over, and over again, and again, and again. I almost become numb to the feeling after that short amount of time. School had started and my grades were falling FAST! The middle school ruthlessness was awful. School felt like a prison and so did home. I couldn’t go anywhere feeling safe. I would try to talk to my mom about nothing in particular and Cory was always there, looking over my shoulder. He’d constantly remind me that his sick and perverted presence was always there in case I ever told what was happening. His threats never stopped. I was a victim and a prisoner in my own home. A comfortable loving home that became hell. A hell I never thought I would endure. In all honesty I wanted to die.

My grades still falling, my attitude worsening, and feeling like no way out that I started to plan my suicide. I got the idea from a movie our family watched and “learned” it was an easy clean up. As I stood over the sink in my bathroom holding razor blades I found in the garage, sobbing, and filling the bathtub I remember feeling like my pain could finally leave. I was home alone when the phone rang. I don’t know what captivated me to answer it. I was so close to ending it all. It was when I answered the phone that my cousin Chelsea was on the other line.Chelsea and I 1994Chelsea and I summer 2008Chelsea and I in fireplace

Little do people know that this person, my favorite cousin Chelsea, saved my life. She’s the reason I always call her my favorite. If she hadn’t felt inspired to call I would not be here writing this story. It was she who held my hand through the darkness and led me to the light. It was she who gave me another chance to live. My life will forever be in debt to Chelsea Hamilton and all the sacrifices she made for me through my life’s darkest days.

Chelsea and I Emigration CanyonAfter a series of events and with the help of my father and step-mother I confessed to them what happened. That day was probably the second worst day of my life. I felt constant humiliation even around my family now that they knew.  We contacted the police, the bishop, and began counseling services. My life slowly started to turn around. After a terrifying court appearance two years later (my sophomore year in high school) where I had to look at my abuser in the eye and explain to a court room of people what happened, I finally felt free and clean again.

So now you’re asking, “what was the whole point of this long story of hard experiences?” The point is that no matter what circumstances we come across in life we can still be the creator of our story! We can still create success!Kadee surpirse party

“And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.”

We can move forward and write new pages, new chapters, and new beginnings. Yes I did need the help from A LOT of people to finally move forward and create success but know that it can be done! I can PROMISE you that if you have been a victim of sexual abuse you can change your life! Talk to a trusted adult and the authorities. You will finally be able to move forward. You will finally feel what life has to offer. Life does get better. I promise. Whatever you do don’t give up! Don’t give in, move forward and create that success! I can say that with the up most confidence because I am happy. I am grateful, yes… grateful, that I went through this experience because I have been able to help so many serving on a council to aid peers through crisis! It was after this experience that I wanted to show others that you don’t have to turn to drugs, alcohol abuse, and/or suicide. Although it may be difficult NEVER blame others for your circumstances. Be a creator of your circumstance rather than a creature of one. Stop blaming others for your actions and take responsibility. Don’t let the abuser win! Go forward and create your success! Have I made that clear enough yet? Good! Because this is the whole reason I am sharing these experiences.Cody's homecoming

You might have to find an outlet. I used Harry Potter, Disneyland, music on repeat, friends, family and professional counseling but I was able to do it! Live your life to the fullest and try new things. Don’t be afraid to take that leap and start moving forward now. Don’t hesitate another day! Become the person YOU are supposed to be and don’t let anyone else change that NO MATTER WHAT THEY DO TO YOU! Life is also easier if you forgive, even if it hurts so much that it seems to choke you. I won’t sugar coat it. It is not easy forgiving Cory, but I’ve done it and I honestly think of it very little whereas before I thought about it all the time and it consumed my thoughts. Forgive, and you will be free again. Move on and like I said before, create your success!

“Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.”

Show the world who you are. What legacy are you leaving behind? Which path are you choosing? Let us become who we are to become and “CREATE SUCCESS.”

“In your life there have to be challenges… they will either bring you closer to God and therefore make you stronger, or, they can destroy you. But you make the decision of which road you take.”

-Elder F. Enzio Busche

I’m always here if anybody reading this needs a listening ear.

Yours sincerely,

John Paul BottemaMission tbt

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56 comments

  1. Tom Rockwood · March 17, 2015

    you are a man of courage and one of my new favorite heroes. God bless you John.

    Like

    • jpbottema · March 20, 2015

      it’s easy to want to be a hero when I’m already around so many like you Brother Rockwood. Hope I get to see you again this summer!

      Like

      • Cheerio · March 22, 2015

        Don’t stop helping others. The world needs you. These sweet innocent boys and girls need your sunshine and joy. Child abuse is the worst form of terror and evil. God bless you and your efforts

        Like

  2. Gramma Liz White · March 17, 2015

    i read your story. I am so glad that you have been able to heal and move forward. Life
    Is not always easy, but one can overcome the obstacles. You are lucky to have good family to support you. My prayers and thoughts go with you.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Amy · March 17, 2015

    So true – we cannot always choose our circumstances, but we can always choose how to react. Thank you so much for sharing – it’s difficult but you’ll never know how much you can help others while they are treading similar paths!

    Like

  4. Kylie Reeser · March 17, 2015

    You’re so awesome!! Thanks for sharing this. 🙂

    Like

  5. Sister Frogley · March 17, 2015

    Thank you for sharing a huge struggle that others have, as well. Your courage to overcome and follow your Savior was an inner desire that you always had. Being a victim is life threatening and may God bless your cousin and family and friends!! I am thankful that one of those friends is my son!! You are a man of God!

    Like

  6. Sister Allison · March 17, 2015

    wow – just wow – LOVE and HUGS from the Bellevue Ward, you are priceless to us!

    Like

  7. Kelly · March 18, 2015

    Hey John, your cousin, Andy, told me of your blog post. I just wanted to say that it took a lot of courage to speak your voice and I appreciate that you did.
    I am glad to know that you have taken steps to find healing through the Atonement and you find ways to help those who think they are helpless themselves. May God ever bless you in your work.
    I was also taken advantage of, sexually, when i was around the age of 8. I also know the healing effect the Atonement brings.

    Thanks again.

    PS – Looks like we served in the same mission but many years apart.

    Like

  8. aloholmesHolmes · March 18, 2015

    What a hero you are!!! Thank you for sharing your journey. I like that you know that while we can’t always control what happens to us, we can always control the aftermath. With Heavenly Father’s help.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Sister Susan Graves · March 18, 2015

    My heart goes out to you. Thank you for sharing your story. You have great courage and strength. Your truly are one of the greatest, kindest, caring and loving human beings I have ever met. You will always have a very soft spot in my heart Elder Bottema.

    Like

  10. sue w. · March 19, 2015

    I echo what Sister Graves said. I admire your strength and courage. You will always have a spot in our hearts, Elder.

    Like

  11. mkgilmour09 · March 20, 2015

    What a fantastic article! Thank you for your strength and courage to post this. You are an inspiration to many and the very definition of what it means to overcome your circumstances!

    Like

  12. Michele Nell · March 20, 2015

    Thank you for this post. You are incredibly strong. I would like to talk with you. Could you please email me?

    Like

    • jpbottema · March 20, 2015

      I can! What is your email? Sorry I’m not used to blogging. Just started!

      Like

      • Michele Nell · March 21, 2015

        Michele.nellatcomcast.net

        Like

  13. Glenda Cáceres · March 20, 2015

    What a great faith you have! Thanks for sharing this! such an amazing example!

    Like

  14. OC Surfer · March 20, 2015

    I can totally relate. I was sexually molested by 7 different men from age 2 to age 14… It has taken many years of therapy and healing to be where I’m at today. Now I’m in my early 40s, still never been married, no kids, and feel while mainly healed from the trauma, I fear that most LDS Single women are not interested in dating or marrying me.

    I’m glad you have been able to move on to get married and have a family. Some of us, are still waiting for those blessings…. in due time, perhaps…

    Like

    • jpbottema · March 20, 2015

      Those kids aren’t mine and I’m still single! Haha. However your post was very sincere and I truly hope the best for you.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Cheerio · March 22, 2015

      OC Don’t give up on yourself. You are first and foremost a child of God and you are a beautiful creation. You too must be a valiant amazing soul who so sadly suffered horrific abuse. Keep going to counseling, have you tried Reiki or EMDR/ Rapid Eye therapy with a trusted loving person? I hate the adversary’s war on our innocent children more than anything else. You can overcome this and you will find someone to love, believe this! Stay close to the Savior and know you can conquer anything with his help. God bless your sweet heart

      Like

    • Livehappy · March 22, 2015

      I am a single woman in my 40s and suffered sexual abuse at a young age as well, by a family member. The series of abusive events changed the course of my life and led me to marry at 19, the first man who expressed any interest in me, because I felt so unworthy of love. He was cold, neglectful and disrespectful to me for 6 years, when I finally decided I could no longer bear the emotional abuse, and left. I threw myself in to single motherhood and tried to forget about all the pain in my life. I never spoke of the sexual abuse until my early 30s when I felt suicidle and finally told my dad. Things have gotten better as I’ve learned about the atonement and how it’s about more than just repentance. Learning about the Savior’s love for me has really helped me learn to forgive my abuser and my ex husband.
      I would never not date a man simply because he’d never been married. I wonder if OCSurfer would be interested in contacting me?
      valkyrierun@yahoo.com
      🙂

      Like

    • wtfortean · March 22, 2015

      OC Surfer

      I like you can relate to the abuse. Congratulations on the progress you have made towards healing. I am also in my early forties, single, and have no children. I just want you to know you are not alone. I have not met any single LDS men who are interested in dating or marrying me. It can be very frustrating, but I know that one way or the other things will work out. May you be blessed in your search to find someone special to marry.

      Like

  15. Delores · March 20, 2015

    Thank you for sharing your story. I think doing so will empower others to do the same. This took great courage to share! What I like most is that the predator’s secret is out. His threats no longer have power. That 13 year old boy has finally become free.

    Like

  16. Jessica · March 20, 2015

    Thank you for sharing this, you are an amazing and strong individual for being able to be so open about such horrific abuse. Your words are inspiring and uplifting, and came at just one of those moments when I needed them. I have faced my own abuse, and I am always inspired when I hear stories of successfully overcoming the pain. God bless. ❤

    Like

  17. Ana Munford · March 20, 2015

    Thank you so much, the hurting world need heroes like you.

    Like

  18. Dori Richwine · March 20, 2015

    Your story really resonated with me, especially the part where you wrote that whatever has happened in your life that has caused you pain, you can move on and become happier. I did not experience what you experienced but I can relate to the feelings of “home was hell” and “school was hell”. Without going into detail, I am much older now and am getting a divorce. I have had a lot of emotional pain from my childhood and my marriage. I am going forward and am slowly becoming happier. Its hard to do when negativity has ruled your life for almost 50 years. Thanks to heroes like you who shared their story on here that I don’t feel alone. There are other people who are there to help us along the way. I am also getting counselling and going to meetings. The world is starting to look like a better place to me. I am choosing to live life positively now!

    Like

  19. Rita · March 21, 2015

    Thanks for sharing your story with us! You are right: It is up to us, which path we take! ..Sorry, englisch is not my mother tongue. I wished I could express myself! I am right in a phase to overcome child abuse. It happend to my sisters and me. We are also trapped in our home – and my mom didn´t belive me. I joined the church and my new life began… You have a lot of courage!!! May god bless you in the future and help other peoples with the same problems…Love Rita

    Like

  20. Mariah Porter · March 21, 2015

    Thank you for sharing your story!! That takes a lot of courage! I can relate in some indirect ways; going to court must have been so incredibly difficult and painful for you.
    Also, I’ll be going to BYU-I this fall! I guess I’ll miss you by a few months though. Congratulations on graduating and your mission and pulling through with your life!

    Like

  21. CHSfriend · March 21, 2015

    John, Thank you for writing this article. I am so sorry that you had to go through this! Your example is amazing. I knew you in high school and impressed by you then with your happy attitude. Knowing now what you were going through I have even more respect for you. I am a mother now who has had a daughter who was molested in church when she was 3. Reading your article gives me hope for the future. One day I will forgive that horrible man for what he did to my baby. I know I am to forgive. This helps me step in the right direction. Thank you!!

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Melissa · March 21, 2015

    Thank you for sharing with us the trials of your life. I believe that it is through sharing our heartbreak and pain, opening that door for others to see inside our lives. Helping them gain the courage and strength they need to find their voice. That they too know they are not alone. That is what truly frees us from the past. Speaking out about this type of abuse takes away the power the perpetrator had over the victim. This type of abuse happens to so many boys and I feel our society still places a stigma on it because they are male and not female. We hear a lot of women speaking out about sexual abuse, we don’t hear as many stories from male victims. Thank you for having the courage to start setting the precedence for others to follow. I believe it is only through stories like yours that we can rid our societies of these atrocities. You humble me.

    Like

  23. Cora · March 21, 2015

    Thank you for sharing. I have a blog talking about overcoming sexual abuse if you want to link up? http://Www.cordeliashappilyeverafter.blogspot.com

    I think it is so important that survivors speak out even though the shame is hard to overcome although the shame isn’t ours.

    Like

  24. Allan · March 21, 2015

    Thank you John.

    Like

  25. Ricki · March 21, 2015

    Powerful! As a fellow victim of abuse your words touched and inspired me as well. The atonement really does cover all our pain. We can overcome and help others in the process. Thank you for sharing.

    Like

  26. Carol- · March 21, 2015

    You are an example of the mantra “Let go and let God.” Good on you!

    Like

  27. PamperingCampers · March 21, 2015

    I’m so grateful you shared your success story. My heart goes out to victims.

    Like

  28. Lisa · March 21, 2015

    thank you so much for sharing. I was a victim as well and have just recently told and learning and trying to work through it and move forward. It’s not easy. But your story gives me hope!

    Like

  29. Gwen · March 21, 2015

    Thank you so much for all you’ve shared. It was a blessing to me to hear your testimony of healing.

    Like

  30. deb · March 21, 2015

    Thank you for taking time to write this article and allowing yourself to be vulnerable. I’m a parent of a child that was abused. I didn’t handle it the way I should have. Looking back I should have called the police but I didn’t. My brother molested my son. He came to me and my husband and confessed what he had done. I was in shock. I was grateful he confessed but I didn’t know what to do. Instead of going to the police I went to my mother. She brushed it all under the rug. I tried to get my son into counseling but he didn’t want to go, so I didn’t force it. He is 27 now and struggles with relationships. He no longer attends church but has shown interest in returning. I believe he is ashamed of the direction his life has gone. He was 14 when I found out about the abuse. I don’t know how long it was going on. My brother still lives with my mother. I’m ashamed I didn’t handle this better.

    Like

    • Cheerio · March 22, 2015

      Just love him, pray for him with all the strength you have, he needs you, he needs friends who have suffered the same and have been through counseling to bring him into a circle of trust so that he can start to heal. I pray he reaches out for help. Bless his heart : (

      Like

    • Sally · March 22, 2015

      I was barely 18 and thought to be asleep when someone coerced my then-roommate (whom I had known for all of 3 weeks) to have sex right then and there. Like you, I wish I had handled the situation better. However, I know that we don’t have to feel ashamed if we properly apply the Atonement and resolve to be more like Jesus Christ.

      Like

  31. cmshields8245 · March 21, 2015

    Breaking the silence and accepting what is, and was, is the only way to be free (as you’ve stated, you’ve done). Forgiveness IS the ultimate key, as our hating only hurts ourselves, not the perpetrator(s). It’s also something that can’t be forced, or contrived. It took me 10 years of multi forms of therapy, to heal to the point where I could actually forgive mine. It was not a conscious choice, but a gift of grace that just happened to occur, one day.

    I remember it distinctly. It felt as if the burden of hell had been lifted from my shoulders; along with the horrible havoc from my mind. I no longer was held hostage by the cacophony of relentless, unending, negative thought processes. The shame, guilt, and darkness dissipated; leaving me with hope, like the Light of a new dawn. I had been redeemed and was free at last.

    Abuse is a tragic thing. It also, traditionally begets more abuse. The persons who usually commit these atrocities, have often been abused, in some form, or another, themselves. The only way to curb this detrimental cycle is by employing spiritual and emotional alchemy; transforming it into something good (which it seems you have done, by helping others). Service is the key. It keeps things in perspective.

    Blessings to you as you continue on your path of healing, and helping. In this, you will find true peace; the peace that surpasses all understanding.

    Like

  32. The Atomic Mom · March 21, 2015

    Thank you for sharing your story. For your information, Elder Busche is still alive, and retired as a Gen. Authority. He’s one of my favorites. 🙂 All the best to you.

    Like

  33. Cristina · March 21, 2015

    Thanks for sharing! I know that saying the truth is hard because others they can’t believe how somebody that is really nice and kind with everybody can hurt us…. so painful to talk about when our fellowman is doing wrong because looks that we are doing criticism ….and looks that we have a part on that…that hurts so much…but after I pass for that step I needed to forgive also some leaders that tell me about love unconditional…so, I even I did I went to the other step: “Wait” and serve others around….then, I gain the glory and grace and approval directly from Heavenly Father!
    “The truth give us freedom and power”

    Like

  34. kfd489 · March 21, 2015

    What a powerful example you are to all of the victims of child sexual abuse!! I am many years older than you and those fears, pains, and nightmares can last the rest of your life! I was 6 when mine started and lasted for 8 years by a family member. I joined the church as a teenager and tell people that the church saved my life! I am so grateful to have a knowledge of the plan od salvation and KNOW that I AM a child of God! This gets me through.

    I am a mother and a grandmother (see, I told you I was much older than you)! I have told very few people about my abuse as I still feel it makes me imperfect and broken to others. I know that I need to forgive the person that did this to me, but it is hard to forget. I will strive to do this. Thank you for sharing your testimony!

    Like

  35. Michele · March 21, 2015

    You’re very brave and loving to share your abuse experience AND how you have been able to overcome what could have had a permanent negative affect on your life. And so blessed to have friends and family who love and support you and believed you. I didn’t have that but I still chose to seek professional help and help others. I love my life. The abuse I suffered for almost 20 years did not ruin my life but it took a lot of effort, prayers, and commitment to keep pushing forward and not let it drag me down. So glad you shared your story.

    Like

  36. Tisha · March 21, 2015

    Thank you for sharing. I am struggling through the mud right now but believe as you do. We get to choose what kind of life we live. I lived in a bubble all my life. I’m the mother of 7 beautiful children, I have an amazing husband and was raised in the gospel. 5 months ago that bubble was popped when I found out my father who I thought was a righteous priesthood holder was a child molester. Through the spirit I was able to learn the truth. I’m so grateful I listened to the promptings that something wasn’t right. I found out that my dad had started molesting 2 of my girls. He went from being molested to molester right away. As more and more victims come forward we have learned that he has been abusing kids for the last 45 years. This has been such a nightmare but the Lord has never left my side. The lord has given me people in my life to help me and my girls work through this. One of the hardest things has been dealing with the emotions of others especially my mom. She has always had a victim mentality and I wish I could help her move from victim to empowered but I am realizing I can’t. My sister Bernice and I have cut our father out of our lives my mother and 3 brothers and 2 other sisters have not. They love me and are supportive of me and my girls but want to help my dad repent. Do you have any advice for me? I want to help my mom but wonder if I should leave that up to my other siblings. It’s emotionally draining for me but am I just being selfish focusing on me and my girls.

    Like

  37. MarkFP · March 21, 2015

    An amazing account. My abuser was my older brother. I waited until my parents passed away before telling family. The results were amazing…… Most cut me off. Seven years down the road and still I have no contacts with family. Three breakdowns later and I am still recovering.

    Like

    • Cheerio · March 22, 2015

      I am so sorry Mark. I have heard that the strongest and most valiant people have the most bad spirits around them trying to destroy their soul and body.
      You must have amazing potential and just don’t know it yet. You can conquer anything in this life with God’s help. Have you read the Louie Zamperini story? Please reach out to trustworthy 12 step programs, good loving counselors ( I have liked LDS rapid eye/ EMDR/ Reiki counselors) online support groups, blogs like this, etc. Don’t give up on your amazing self. You were an innocent victim but you can become the greatest leader for others who are suffering the same terrible ordeal. Bless your sweet heart…. Open your heart to the savior and he will help you through this. I pray you get your family, friends and happiness back- you are worth it

      Like

  38. Harold Jones · March 21, 2015

    I don’t believe that Friedrich Enzio Busche has passed away yet.

    Like

  39. Vanilla · March 21, 2015

    Hi,
    I am so touched by your story. I was not sexually abused myself but the extent of the emotional (and the little physical abuse) I received have messed me up pretty hard. I’m around your age and I’ve done therapy for over 2 years, and tried to prove the world that I am normal but keep failing. I just had an absolutely awful week of worsened depression due to my anti-depressant but I am looking at the future with hope. I think the most painful thing is to look at others’ lives being destroyed and being powerless (my families’). That is one of my greatest pain as we may think suicide is a solution to our pain but can’t kill others to release them from their sufferings (I know suicide is not a solution not is it good but these are the thoughts you have when in despair). I just want to say to anyone who is struggling with shame, guilt and most likely PTSD from any kind of abuse that: you can and should turn to the Lord. Pray to Him even if you cannot feel Him. Don’t hate yourself over your mistakes, He understands you so much better than you could ever imagine. Sincerely pray to Him in your own words or language. Be angry at Him if you need, but be sincere. God cannot help us as efficiently if we don’t communicate openly with Him. I promise that He loves you and wants you to become who He knows you can become! He sees us, little caterpillars, transform into butterflies! He has the perspective we lack so let us read His words and turn to Him for peace, understanding and guidance. Sorry if what I say doesn’t make sense, I tried 🙂

    Thank you for this post John. Take care!

    Like

  40. Michaela · March 21, 2015

    This has just made me cry. My abuse started at around age 3 and carried on until I was 18 and joined the church. I never had the guts to tell anyone about it until April last year. Monday I get the date to when my court case begins. I’m petrified. I’m not really ready for it. Harry potter is also my escape from it all too! Thank you so much for this post

    Like

    • Cheerio · March 22, 2015

      Do you have a good support group to help you through this? If not find others who have been through the same to help you- you are worth the love time and effort! Believe in yourself and believe you are greater than your trauma. Find a loving trustworthy counselor. You are stronger than you know

      Like

  41. bing · March 22, 2015

    Thank you for sharing your story. I was also molested by men i trusted as a young girl and an adult. I felt unclean and i hated myself for a while.I was also verbally abused. I mentioned my abuse to mys sister and dad and recently a friend. I still feel pain once in a while but i feel stronger. Heavenly Father has a way of comforting me. The experience has taught me a lot about life and about myself. I know He loves all His children- broken or not. He knows what is best for His children.I know that His grace is sufficient for all of us and if we let His Son touch our lives we can be made whole again. God bless you!

    Like

  42. Darla McAvoy · March 22, 2015

    I am grateful you shared this part of your struggle. You are so brave. I don’t understand so much of what happens to us in our lives, but know for certain God knows. I can’t say where I am in recovering from abuse. I can say that I have loved them thru it all because I didn’t know how to hate. Just seeing your smile in these pictures is beautiful,& helps me appreciate the way of the believer and follower of Christ. Thanks again.

    Like

  43. wtfortean · March 22, 2015

    Thank you for sharing your inspirational story.

    Like

  44. Linda · March 23, 2015

    Thank you so much for sharing. It was a beautiful thing to experience a man courageously speaking the truth! Uplifting on so many levels!

    Like

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